The Misadventures of a boy named Ryou
by Lid'l
Summary: The silly tale of a young boy and his misfortune (not to mention his nutty friends and his odd (and slightly freaky) yami…)
1. Prologue

A/N: I know, I know, it's a sucky title. But it's a true one. This story is gonna be about Ryou and his bad luck. But don't worry, there's gonna be good things too, I promise. It's yaoi! Yay!

Disclaimer: I disclaim Yu-Gi-Oh! And Choco Pops.

**The Misadventures of a boy named Ryou **

_Prologue _

Once upon a time in a town far away there was this sweet little boy named Ryou Bakura. But Ryou wasn't as much a boy anymore, getting closer to adulthood with every passing day. Just now, he was stuck in the woeful thrives of puberty; his moods swinging from ecstatically happy and joyful (often labeled his sugar-high) to mopey and depressive ('the Dark Cloud over Domino') to cranky and annoyed (a.k.a. Mr. Sourpuss). And not to mention the hormones…

But back to the topic: Ryou was a pretty boy, a real bishie, with his long snow-white hair and innocent chocolate eyes. He had pouty lips and a cherubic face and a most wonderful personality; always sweet, always caring and always patient (except if he was on the aforementioned sugar-high).

And this sweet little boy that was more like a young man had a pretty decent life: good school grades, a well-decorated apartment and a soulmate. And although his soulmate was an ancient Egyptian spirit who almost exactly looked like him, safe the evil hair and the evil tendency to scream in the middle of the night, rant when he had banged his head on the kitchen cabinet – which he himself had left open after getting out the Choco Pops – _again_, curse for all the he was worth (and inventing new words the English, Japanese or even Egyptian dictionaries had never even laid eyes upon until now in the process), kill things he Did Not Like and eat raw meat (yes, Yami Bakura was disturbing like that), Ryou had taken a liking to his darker half.

Continuing, Ryou had other, pretty decent friends: a small and friendly boy named Yugi Muto, who also had an ancient spirit sharing his soulroom (and bedroom, to be more exact, but that's not the matter at hand) and multi-colored hair that topped even Bakura's evilness. Score one for the short, innocent boy!

Second there was Yugi's darker half, Yami. He was the tall, dark and handsome type. Suffering a severe case of buckle-fetish. And though he sometimes took on that I'm-the-Pharaoh-of-Egypt-so-you-can-just-kiss-my-cute-little-ass-routine, he was not at all a bad lad. A bit smug sometimes, but not bad.

And then there was Jonouchi Katsuya. A hyper-active, silly but charismatic young punk full of bashing ideas to get their little clique into trouble. He had a big mouth and a big appetite, but – truth be told – not so big a brain. Or maybe he just pretended to be unintelligent, because some of his idiotic plans held a touch of brilliance to them. Because they always seemed to get Ryou in trouble.

Somehow, misfortune always found its way into Ryou's life (especially when he was out with his friends) and he did not like it.

So, this is his story.

~ * ~

Next up:

_Chapter One: Tight situations _

Ryou is forced to wear leather pants for one day, and Does Not Like It.

_"I must say you look… interesting," ~ Marik_


	2. Chapter One: Tight Situations

A/N: Okay, first chappie, hope ya like ^^

Disclaimer: I disclaim Yu-Gi-Oh!

**The Misadventures of a boy named Ryou **

_Chapter One: Tight Situations _

Ryou could only stare at It in wide-eyed horror. Its dark blackness was penetrating his very soul, radiant as the deepest fiery bowels of Hell itself, making Ryou fear whatever would happen if he ever were to be brought into contact with It.

It glared back at him, scrutinizing his cowardice and mocking him from the safe position It was in. Gleaming at the white-haired boy, It sent cold shivers down Ryou's spine, delighting in the way It could make the boy squirm. The terror was almost too much to bare to Ryou, worse than karaoke with Ishtar, even worse than Bakura's Raw Meat Special!

And there It was, safely tucked away in Yami's hands. 

Yami himself wore a smirk as fiendish as the black thing he held up in front of Ryou. His voice was a wicked, throaty whisper:

"I want you to wear this."

Ryou spun around to seek refuge, or at least some support from his friends. But there were no couches or broad-shouldered yami's to hide behind and his companions didn't seem like they would be of any help anytime soon; Jonouchi smirking impishly and Yugi's eyes containing a naughty sparkle that made Ryou think twice about the small boy's innocence. 

"Come on, Ryou," he complained, flopping down from the large couch he had taken seat on. "You lost the bet!"

"Yes, but only because Jou tricked me! How was I supposed to know Marik only wears thongs?! He told me he was a straight 'boxer buddy'!" Ryou glared (or at least tried to glare as much as his sweet face would let him) at the blonde who only threw him a kiss-hand in return. "Yeah, luv ya too, Ryou-chan!" he chuckled. 

"Anyway, you lost," Yami purred, looking particularly evil today, all dressed in skintight black with a purple coat, "Which means…"

"RYOU DRESS-UP!" Yugi squealed, bursting into a fit of giggles. 

"Absolutely not!" Ryou stated, turning up his nose and crossing his arms over his chest in a very un-Ryou-ish style. In fact, the nose-in-the-air-thing looked more like a Kaiba trait. But on Kaiba it looked snobby and mighty. On Ryou, it was adorable. "I refuse to wear that."

"But ya have to," Jonouchi reminded, "Or else I'll tell Marik you were the one rummagin' through his underwear drawer."

Ryou crinkled his nose, unable to keep up his tough act. Having a furious Marik screaming and bitching and glaring occasional death-threats at him wasn't a sight he looked forward to and the fact that Bakura and Ishtar would both probably laugh their asses off over Ryou's predicament didn't really appeal to him either. He sighed and slumped his shoulders, only to look up to Yugi's darker half a moment later with the Puppy Eyes. "Yamiiiii!" he whined, noticing his Puppy Eyes didn't singe the Pharaoh one bit. Yugi probably had pulled off that trick far too many times, making Yami immune to the trademark hikari Puppy Eyes.

"Yes, Ryou?" the Egyptian spirit answered, a disturbing happy-go-lucky smile plastered on his face now.

Battling between running away screaming like a girl or suffer his predicament like a real man, Ryou decided the best way to get this over with was just to take those damn pants and try them on. So he sighed deeply and took the gleaming leather horror from Yami's hands.

"Yay, Ryou!" Yugi squealed happily, watching Ryou walk off to the changing rooms, before bouncing into Yami's arms. "I'm so exited!"

The Pharaoh quirked a slender brow at that. "Is that so? I'd better take advantage of that, now," he grinned, before he started nuzzling Yugi's cheek with his own, while the small hikari started blushing and giggling furiously. "Yami," he half-heartedly complained, "We're in public!"

"I don't care," Yami admitted, trying to steal a kiss or two from the young boy in his arms. Eventually he succeeded, knowing Yugi couldn't resist him that long. Yes, the Pharaoh hadn't lost his touch when it came to the Things He Wanted.

"Uh, guys… Not that I mind or anythin'…" But Jonouchi's worked-up blush told the two addressed lovers the exact opposite, "But someone should really check up on Ryou." 

"I'll go!" Yami announced merrily, before spurting off to where he knew Ryou had to be skirmishing with the tight pants he had forced him to wear.

Yugi raised himself up on the big fluffy couch, next to Jonouchi. He eyed his friend intently, before asking, "Seto?"

Jonouchi's blush intensified, staring at Yugi in wide-eyed surprise. "No!" he said a little too quickly, "Why should I care for that stuck-up prick?! I'm totally done with him. Besides, he kept treatin' me like dog."

"You can't fool me, Jou. You're still in love. And to be perfectly honest, I believe he still loves you too," Yugi uttered, joining his hands together in his lap, "But Seto is just too stubborn to admit that, to the world _and_ to himself. And it's not fair you're suffering over his stubbornness. You have to take action, Jou."

"But what should I do?!" Jonouchi exclaimed exasperated, frustrated with the whole Ice Queen routine Seto Kaiba put up.

Yugi smirked evilly (what upset Jonouchi a big lot, because sweet innocent Yugi wasn't supposed to know how to smirk evilly) and locked sparkling eyes with his taller friend. "You should seduce him."

Jonouchi instantly turned a shade of red unknown to humankind.

~*~

"How're you holding up there, Ryou?" Yami asked the constantly shifting curtain in front of him. He couldn't hear anything, but he knew the boy was struggling with the accursed leather pants.

There was a frustrated growl. "Yami, they're never gonna fit me!"

"Oh yes they will." And the Pharaoh nodded his head to emphasize that statement. He took a lean against one of the mirrors and closed his eyes. "You just have to take your boxers off."

There was a loud 'eep!' and Ryou stuck his flushed head out through the curtain, holding it tightly closed to secure his exposed lower section. "You can't be serious, Yami!" 

"I'm dead serious," Yami said in the sternest voice he could muster. He didn't want to break down into girlish giggles in front of Yami no Bakura's aibou. But Ryou was funny, all flushed and shocked! It had been a long time since the Pharaoh in him had taken joy in the misery of others. Off course he would apologize to Ryou later, but having the blushing boy at his mercy right know was well worth saying 'sorry' later.

Ryou pouted. "But I don't want to!"

Yami opened one eye, regarding the boy. An evil grin crept its way across his lips. "Ne, Ryou. Either you do it yourself, or I'm coming in there to help you!"

Ryou 'eep!'ed again and disappeared back behind the curtain, muttering certain things about ancient Egyptian spirits and their sadistic pleasure to torture young innocent boys. Yami didn't know for sure the boy was referring to just him, or all three yami's together, since also Bakura and Ishtar both got their jollies from teasing little Ryou. Bakura had once let Ryou suffer through a five-hour Cow and Chicken Marathon, while Ishtar loved karaoke. And he loved audience. But nobody else loved his singing, actually. 

"Ano, Yami?"

"Hm, Ryou?" Yami turned his attention to the black silken curtain.

Ryou popped his head out again, still flushed on the cheeks. "Are these pants supposed to be this tight? I mean, won't my feet fall off at the end of the day?"

Yami rolled his eyes. "Did you ever see me losing my feet?"

"No, but you're an immortal spirit. Your body doesn't need the oxygen."

Said spirit seemed to think about that matter. "True. But the doctors these days are really brilliant, and if anything goes wrong, we'll burry you in a nice place." His grin showed far too many teeth, making Ryou pale away.

"Yugiiiiiiiiii!!!" he wailed.

~*~

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Yugi smiled at a very embarrassed Ryou. They were now walking through the mall, having agreed on ice cream after the horrifying experience concerning Yami's cruel tendencies to bury people. Ryou shot the boy a glare (once again, not as intimidating as he would've liked) and continued walking along. Boy, were those pants itchy! And he still had a day to go before he could take them off. Stupid bet.

Suddenly he squeaked loudly and jumped into Jonouchi's arms, looking around like a paranoid nutcase. "Somebody just pinched my butt!" he peeped, causing Yami to snicker.

Yugi smacked the Pharaoh over the head, throwing him a stern look. "Yami!"

He held his hands up in innocence. "Hey, it wasn't me!"

Not far from them, Mai Kujaku winked at Ryou, blowing him a little flirtatious kiss. The boy immediately reached for his heart, as if having an attack and stared blankly into nothingness, abhorring the idea of just being hit on by Mai. Jonouchi still carried him along, grinning like an idiot. "Seems the leather's a success, princess."

Ryou looked ready to wilt, either that, or slap Jonouchi in the face for the new pet name he'd thought off. But gentle Ryou didn't slap. "I'm seriously not having my day today!" he whined, feeling himself able to walk again. He let Jonouchi put him to his feet, but the rest of the trip Ryou safely trotted in-between Jou and Yugi, with Yami on the lookout for any potential butt-pinchers. 

Once at the ice cream parlor, Ryou felt his heart drop and was already whipping around to run away to cower in the bathroom. But he didn't get the chance.

"Holy fuckin' Ra!" Marik exclaimed upon seeing a leather-clad Ryou, trying to sneak away. "What devil got into you?" His companion turned his head at that to see just who had been possessed by aforementioned devil. Possession usually meant a lot of gore and ickyness. And there was no way in Hell Yami no Ishtar was going to miss the gore or ickyness!

When he had gotten a good on the blushing white-haired boy, Ishtar let out a high-pitched, maniacal shriek that made bystanders question his sanity. "Huhaa! Look at that!" Then he continued laughing like a madman, until tears ran over the sides of his face and he was turning purple because of the lack of oxygen. He got kicked in the shin by Marik, who was glaring little daggers of ice his way.

"Uhm, hi Marik-san, Ishtar-san," Ryou greeted, waving a polite hand their way. His friends also exchanged little nods.

Marik grinned at him, lavender eyes raking over his slim frame in a way Ryou neither knew nor liked. It was an unsettling kind of 'you look yummy, wanna make out?' kind of glimmer. He was tempted to jump behind Yami or Jonouchi, although Bakura – as his yami – should be here to protect him. But he wasn't.

"Well well well." Marik still grinned and still had his eyes fixed on the continuously reddening Ryou. "I must say you look… interesting," he said, referring to the illegally tight pants that rivalled Yami's.

//Ne, hikari-mine,// Ishtar inquired mentally, //What are you thinking, pretty?//

Marik shifted eyes from Ryou (who obviously sighed in relief) to Ishtar. /Naughty thoughts, yami./

Ishtar chuckled softly, what made Ryou inch away from his side of the table. But also unwilling to come too close to the lavender-eyed hikari with the devilish smirk and hidden agenda, he just took a step back, closer to the safety of his three not so scary friends. //Nya, aibou, Bakura's gonna have your ass for this.// 

/Please, let him,/ the Egyptian grinned before getting up from his seat. "Say, Ryou…" He cocked his head, making his golden locks fall seductively in his dark eyes. "They opened up a new coffee shop a few blocks from here. What do you say I buy you a cup?"

Ryou flushed at the suggestion, and wanted to utter he only drank tea (yeah, it was a lame excuse but he had to say _something to get out of Marik's clutches), when he felt slender arms snaking their way around his waist. _

"Sorry bud, but the princess's already on a date with me." Tickling soft hair stirred Ryou's naked shoulder, as Jonouchi locked eyes with a rather shocked Marik.

The Egyptian quirked a brow. "Really now? I'm sure Bakura would be delighted to know you are snogging his aibou." He offered them a sugary sweet smile. "Well now, one Hell of a day to you. Coming, Ishtar?" 

The furiously sniggering yami agreed and followed Marik down the block. When they had disappeared, Jonouchi unlatched himself from Ryou. "Sorry buddy, but I just couldn't let Marik take ya anywhere all alone. Man, that guy was lookin' at ya funny. Good thing we're in a public place!" 

Ryou nodded, becoming more able to speak rationally by the minute. "Yes, thank you, Jonouchi. You probably saved my live." 

"Probably," Jonouchi snickered, winking at Yami. "And ya virginity!"

~*~

"Wai! Yami, stop that!" 

Delirious giggles and soft purring growls resounded through the Kame Game Shop at the ungodly hour of three o'clock in the morning. 

"Make me, aibou." 

Somewhere between the Gundam Wing manga and the Kingdom Hearts action-figures Yami had Yugi pinned down beneath him, tickling the little one's stomach with light fingers. But when he was about to get into the more serious ministering with those aforesaid light fingers, the phone rang (yes, at the ungodly hour of three o'clock in the morning).

He growled when Yugi attempted to crawl out from underneath him and more amazingly, succeeded to do so. "Hn, aibou. Let grandfather attend to it." 

Yugi trotted to where that annoyingly ringing contraption from the Shadow Realm that so perfectly had destroyed his good make-out session with Yami stood. "Yami, grandfather is out of town, remember? That's the whole reason we're so shamelessly making out here in the Game Shop," Yugi chimed, dodging Yami's grabby hands. He picked up the horn, bringing it to his ear. "Moshi moshi, Kame Game Shop." 

"Yugi? I'm terribly sorry for calling at such an ungodly hour, but uhm…" Ryou silenced at the other side of the connection. "Could you put Yami on, please?"

"Well, sure." Yugi handed his dumbfounded yami the phone, mouthing 'Ryou'. 

Yami shrugged and took the call. "Hello there, Ryou."

"Ano, h-hello Yami." There was a tremble in the boy's voice that didn't escape Yami's ancient magical senses (it wouldn't have escaped any other's senses, for that matter. Ryou was stuttering like a little schoolgirl who finally stood face to face with her crush). "I h-have a problem."

"What's wrong Ryou?" Yami wanted to know, somewhat worried about what Marik had said. The boy could be in some serious trouble with Bakura, or maybe Marik had returned to finish his business!

"I-I…" There was a long pause.

"Yes?"

"I-I…" Pause.

"…yes?"

"…" He could hear Ryou prepare himself for what he was about to say. "Yami… I'm stuck."

"You're stuck?" Yami repeated.

"Yes!" Ryou exclaimed frantically. "I'm stuck in these stupid pants you forced me into! I can't get them off and I've been trying for about four hours straight now. I'm tired Yami…" He seemed close to bursting out in tears. "I don't want to be in these pants forever! I don't want scary women to pinch my butt every time I go outside the house. I don't want scary guys like Marik hitting on me because I look, quote: 'Interesting'!!! And Bakura can be home any minute now and he's gonnna find me in these pants and he's gonna laugh at me and… and… please help me, Yami!"

"Alright, alright, relax Ryou!" Yami shushed through the phone, "Don't worry, I'm coming over to help you, okay?"

"O-okay," snivelled Ryou, "Thank you Yami."

"That's okay. I'll be over once I tucked Yugi in." The ancient Egyptian spirit hung up the phone and gathered his hikari in his arms, snuggling his face in the younger boy's hair. "Hn, aibou. Wanna hear something funny?" he asked as he carried Yugi up the stairs.

Yugi pecked him on the cheek, "Tell me, yami." 

The Pharaoh grinned. "Ryou's stuck!"

~*~

The first thing Bakura noticed upon entering the house was soft light coming out of Ryou's bedroom, which was strange, since the brat was an early sleeper. Secondly, there were muffled voices coming from there, which was even stranger, since as far as the Tomb Robber knew Ryou didn't have any 'nighttime friends'. Not that he was interested in anything his little aibou did or anything, he decided to check out these weird phenomena. After all, he couldn't have weird phenomena going on in his house without him knowing about it, right?

So he placed his foot on the first step of the stairs leading up to the bedrooms, when he could define some words: "Lay still, Ryou, or we're never gonna get them off!"

Bakura's eyes widened like chocolate-covered dishes. Who the fuck was that? That sounded awfully familiar, but he couldn't quite place that voice.

"Ow!" came Ryou shrill squeak, "You're hurting me!"

They were hurting his aibou? _His_ aibou? Growling and spurting up the stairs, Yami no Bakura reached for the Sharp Thing he kept somewhere in his pocket for occasions such as these (or some occasional blood-shedding with Ishtar) and kicked open Ryou's door.

Never would he have been prepared for what he saw next: an evilly grinning Yami well in the process of pealing accursed tight pants off a furiously blushing and partly uncovered Ryou.

Bakura screamed like a little girl.

~*~


End file.
